First, be famous.

Not everyone worships the bump magnificent. I know this, so I decided to interview my friend and colleague, Madeline (pictured), while we were bounding over mountains on side-by-side elliptical machines at the gym. An amazing young woman who hasn't expressed maternal fever, Madeline could provide a nice counter-perspective to my bumpalicious blog. Well, imagine my surprise when she made a confession to the contrary...

Me: Do you have baby fever?

Madeline: No. Well, actually, here’s something you don’t know—I’ve been fantasizing about being pregnant! I want to be pregnant—not have a baby, just be pregnant—so I can have a huge belly and wear a bikini. I like the idea of being BIG. I think that gaining weight for pregnancy is really quite sensual. It would be so amazing to be that connected to life. Being pregnant is very trendy right now. Also, I like being the center of attention.

Me: Has your mom told you stories about her pregnancies?

Madeline: Mom called me on my birthday and told me a story. Apparently, a few days before I was born, she went out looking for a nightgown. She just had to have one. She traipsed all over New York City like a mad woman, looking for that perfect nightgown. She never found it. Her theory is that this is why I’m good at walking and bad at shopping.

Me: That’s hilarious, and it kind of makes sense. What does your boyfriend (Ben) think about pregnancy?

Madeline: Ben’s dad has a theory that good pregnancies lead to good kids, so he just spoiled Ben’s mom rotten when she was pregnant—back rubs, foot rubs, the works. Doesn’t that sound so nice?

Me: Yes, amazing! What a good role model.

Madeline: Ben and I have a deal about babies—have I told you?

Me: Yes, but remind me.

Madeline: Basically, we’re not going to have a baby until one of us—me, really—is famous. I have to win an Academy Award first.

Me: Why an Academy Award, of all things?

Madeline: I want to set the bar really high for myself. Otherwise, I might settle for less or, worse, make up an award for myself and then say Okay, I can have a baby now!

Me: So aside from the Academy Award, how will you know if or when you’re ready to be a mom?

Madeline: I like the idea of having a baby when I’m in a really good place. I want to have a strong sense of accomplishment and I want to like myself a lot but not be too focused on myself, you know? Too many people live life according to a time line rather than their own true happiness.

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You might want to go back and read that last line again--it's pretty meaty. Madeline is full of truisms. And, by the way, she IS going to be famous, so you'll want to keep an eye on this rising star.